


The Soul Becomes Dyed With the Colour of Its Thoughts

by Penndragon27



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Finds Out, Canon Era, Darkish Merlin, M/M, Magic Reveal, More like very angry, Pre-Slash, Spells & Enchantments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 02:40:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15764928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/pseuds/Penndragon27
Summary: Merlin has dealt with a lot over the years and has a lot of pain and frustration over it.A stray spell from a sorceress brings all that pain and frustration into the open.





	The Soul Becomes Dyed With the Colour of Its Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Merlin and the title is a Marcus Aurelius quote!

As much as Arthur refused to acknowledge it, Merlin was often right.

He may be clumsy, awkward, and outspoken, but when it came to sensing danger, he knew what he was talking about. It helped that his magic could sense most threats.

Therefore, Merlin wasn’t that surprised when they were attacked in the Valley of Fallen Kings, considering he had warned the king against travelling through it.

Yet, here they were, being chased by a group of bandits, Merlin sending subtle spells out to trip up their pursuers.

“Don’t say it, Merlin,” Arthur huffed next to him, panting underneath his armour.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, sire.”

“I can hear you thinking, it’s quite loud.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Merlin attempted to keep his face neutral, despite being out of breath. “I am utterly shocked that we were attacked on the most notorious passage in the land. Really, who would have thought?”

“Merlin…”

“Oh, that’s right. I thought. And I said. And I was ignored, as always.”

“No is not the time for your whining. We seem to have lost a few attackers in the chase, I say we turn and fight. Well, I’ll fight. You can hide.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Arthur-”

The king ignored him and instead stopped running, drawing his sword to face the bandits. Living up to expectations, Merlin moved towards a tree so he wouldn’t be seen.

Defying expectations, he got a spell ready to attack the bandits.

He watched Arthur fight, helping from the shadows with falling branches and untied laces. It looked like they were almost free when Arthur froze in place, eyes wide with fear.

A figure stepped forward, arm stretched forward and Merlin could feel the magic. Not particularly strong, but not nothing.

“Arthur Pendragon,” the sorceress said, voice high and clear. “You pretend to be better than your father, knighting peasants and courting servants, and yet you still deny my people our freedom. You preach progress, but still persecute us. No more shall you hide behind fancy words and false promises.”

Arthur sank to the ground as the sorceress released him from the spell in order to start another. Without giving it a second thought, Merlin ran forwards to knock Arthur out of the way, feeling a white hot pain spread across his back.

Groaning, he rolled off the king, who immediately sprang to his feet, sword raised.

“What did you do? What spell was that?”

The sorceress sighed and Merlin’s vision began to blur.

“Well that’s a disappointment. You better hope I missed, your highness, or you’re about to see a very different side of your servant.”

Merlin watched as Arthur screamed and ran forward, sword piercing the sorceress. Then Arthur was kneeling next to him.

“Merlin, are you okay? Did she hit you?”

Merlin shifted and felt a faint tingling on his lower back. He smelled burnt cloth where the spell singed his jacket.

“I think I’m okay. I don’t feel any different.”

Arthur quickly looked him over before frowning. “Well, we’ll have Gaius look at you when we get back.”

“Okay,” Merlin muttered, slowly pushing himself off the ground. His head spun a bit, but otherwise he felt normal.

“And next time, Merlin, try not to jump in front of potentially dangerous spells.”

“I’ll do my best, sire.”

***

Back at the castle, Merlin sat on his bed as Gaius examined him.

“Well, the spell burned your jacket, but there’s no mark on your back so it seems like you just missed it.”

Merlin smiled. “Great, so should I go back to work?”

Gaius frowned at him. “I suppose, but the moment you feel even the smallest thing you come right to me. We don’t know what spell she used and anything could happen.”

“I’ll be fine, Gaius,” Merlin rolled his eyes. “I should go get Arthur’s supper.”

“Very well,” Gaius said, finally allowing his ward to leave.

Merlin jumped up and quickly left the room, knowing he was already late.

When he finally reached Arthur’s chambers, he found the king sitting at his desk, poring over some papers. He looked up as Merlin entered.

“Ah, Merlin. I take it you aren’t incapacitated by a curse, then?”

Merlin grinned broadly. “Nope, it just missed me.”

Something like relief flashed across Arthur’s face before he set his jaw.

“Good, then you’ll have no problem getting on with your chores.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, feeling faint annoyance at Arthur’s refusal to acknowledge any actual emotions regarding his manservant. It was nothing he wasn’t used to, but that didn’t mean he liked it.

Sighing, he set down the tray of food and got to work, putting things away and preparing everything for the night.

“Will that be all?”

Arthur waved his hand dismissively and Merlin felt another wave of annoyance.

“I’ll collect your dinner tray in the morning, then. Good night, sire,” he said tightly before turning from the room, a slight twist in his stomach.

It wasn’t fun, Merlin thought as he walked back, to be so ignored when he had just saved the kings life. Arthur was actually aware of this instance, yet there was no thank you. No acknowledgement. Merlin may have been used to his actions going unknown and unpraised, but it wasn’t too selfish to want some recognition when he openly does something mildly heroic. Right?

Merlin returned to room and flopped down on his bed, feeling exhausted. Maybe this was part of his destiny. Maybe it was his fate to protect Arthur, so long as he never got any recognition or thanks. So long as everyone believed him to be the brainless servant of the king of Camelot.

***

Merlin woke up feeling as though he hadn’t slept at all, eyes dry and stomach churning. Groaning, he reluctantly got ready for the day. He tried to nibble at the bread Gaius left for him, but ultimately left it behind before setting out for the day.

At Arthur’s door, he took a deep breath before going in, setting down the breakfast tray, and forcing a smile onto his face before throwing open the curtains.

“Rise and shine!”

The king groaned and buried his face into his pillow. Merlin sighed in resignation.

“Sire, if you don’t get up in the next minute I will have to resort to dumping cold water onto your head.”

Arthur lifted his head and glared. “I am the king of Camelot, Merlin. You can’t do that.”

“Oh, so I suppose you’d rather go back to sleep and end up being late to the very important meeting you scheduled for this morning.”

Merlin recognized the glint in Arthur’s eyes and moved to grab the dirty dishes from last night, just avoiding a thrown pillow.

“I’ll just bring this to the kitchens, give you time to wake up. I know how grumpy you can be in the mornings.”

This time it was a cup thrown and it hit the pillar next to Merlin’s head. A sudden, sharp anger flared up.

“What the hell?”

Arthur’s eyes widened in shock at the outburst. “Excuse me?”

Merlin just glared, not even caring he could get thrown in the stocks for this. “You do realize one of these days you might not miss, don’t you?”

Arthur opened his mouth to respond, but Merlin finally regained his senses.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry, sire. Not enough sleep. I’m a bit delusional.”

“Merlin-”

“I’ll be back to help you dress in a moment.”

And with that, Merlin fled from the room.

***

After his little outburst, Merlin tried to avoid the king as much as possible. He managed it for a few days, cleaning the royal chambers whenever Arthur was out and exchanging as few words as possible when they had to converse. Arthur, seeming a little hesitant after the incident, had let Merlin be.

And yet, there was still that underlying feeling in Merlin’s stomach. Sometimes a faint annoyance, sometimes searing anger, but always there. He tried to ignore it, chalking it up to troubled sleep and years of underappreciation, but he had a growing fear that he might lose his cool again. Or, what little cool he had to begin with.

Such a moment came almost a week after the incident when another servant was caught sending information to Morgana. Merlin sensed a pattern.

Not invited to the council meeting, Merlin busied himself in Arthur’s chambers while he waited to hear the verdict. As much as he hated Morgana and held disdain for anyone who supported her, he had seen the girl when she was arrested. He had seen the innocence and fear on her face. He knew Morgana knew how to charm people; it was why they had such a problem with traitorous servants. Morgana knew how to make even the lowliest of peasants seem special and important to her. Gwen herself had felt more like a sister to Morgana than a maid. It was one of the things Merlin had always admired about her before she began using it for such nefarious purposes.

The door burst open, pulling Merlin from his thoughts and he quickly busied himself with making the bed as Arthur collapsed into his chair.

“Pour me some wine, Merlin.”

Merlin moved to fulfil his request, frowning slightly. “I take it you reached a verdict regarding the maidservant?”

“She will be executed in the morning.”

Merlin jerked in setting the pitcher down, wine sloshing onto the table. “What?”

Arthur raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. “I don’t know why you’re so shocked about it. She was a traitor to Camelot. It’s a standard penalty.”

Merlin scoffed. “It wouldn’t have been the penalty if she were noble.”

“Watch yourself, Merlin. That’s not what it is. If I had captured Agravaine after his betrayal, he would’ve faced the same fate.”

“Really? You would’ve been able to look your uncle in the eye and sentenced him to death? You wouldn’t even be able to kill Morgana?”

“Merlin!”

“Honestly, Arthur,” Merlin went on, inhibitions gone. “Do you ever think there’s a reason so many servants have been feeding Morgana information? Maybe if you don’t give them a reason to want to betray you, you wouldn’t have to deal with this.”

Arthur rose slightly from his seat, glaring. Merlin glared right back.

“You preach equality, yet you still hold nobles to a different standard than us peasants. You’re going to execute a young girl simply because she was made to feel special after years spent treated like dirt. Maybe if you showed some leniency every now and then, the people would respect you more than they fear you. Morgana may be evil, but she was always better than you at gaining the love of the lower class because you were too busy with your head up your ass!”

“Enough!” Arthur slammed a fist on the table, pain and anger across his face. Merlin was breathing hard, feeling slightly dizzy from his rant.

“Now,” Arthur spoke quietly, evenly. “You are relieved of your duties for the rest of the day and I suggest you take a walk to cool off. You would also do well to remember your place.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes. “If I didn’t care so much about Camelot I would probably join Morgana myself.”

He left before Arthur could respond.

***

Arthur felt as though someone were squeezing insides as he heard the door slam shut behind Merlin.

He always relied on his servant for odd bits of wisdom, but that rant was angry, harsh.

 _True,_ a voice whispered.

Much as he denied it, he knew he could be a bit of a prat sometimes. He felt guilty when Merlin called him out on throwing things, so he gave the servant his space.

Now, though, it was more than guilt. There was anger, fear, hurt. He had never actually seen Merlin angry before. Sure, he’d seen him annoyed and fiercely protective, but never this sharp, piercing _rage._

Was what Arthur did so terrible? Did executing a traitor warrant such a reaction?

Merlin’s last words echoed in his mind.

_“If I didn’t care so much about Camelot I would probably join Morgana myself.”_

Did Merlin really feel that way? Was Camelot the only thing keeping him from leaving Arthur, from becoming his enemy?

His stomach lurched at the thought.

Sighing, Arthur headed to his door so he could call a nearby guard.

“Yes, sire?”

“I need you to stay tomorrow’s execution. The girl will stay in her cell until we have more information on the situation.”

The guard’s eyes widened in shock before he nodded quickly and ran off to do as ordered. Arthur returned to his room, feeling a little better.

Merlin had a point. He, too, had believed in Morgana long after she turned. He could understand the servant girl’s mistake. Now he had time to actually look over the facts. Maybe the girl didn’t deserve to die.

And maybe Merlin would forgive him. Merlin being mad at him bothered Arthur more than it should have.

***

Arthur didn’t want to be the first to apologize. After all, Merlin said some pretty hurtful things himself, but another day of glaring a curt responses made it clear that Merlin had no intention of making things right.

So, when Merlin arrived to find the king already up and dressed, Arthur smiled at him.

“Change of plans, Merlin. We’re going on a hunt.”

“Um, why?”

Arthur took a deep breath. “Look, you’re little rant was… harsh and completely inappropriate for a servant to say, but I will admit there was some… truth to it. In fact, I’ve cancelled the girls execution until the matter is further investigated.”

Merlin’s eyes widened in shock and Arthur felt his stomach flip nervously.

“Anyway, I thought we could just take the day, go for a ride, maybe kill a few defenseless animals.”

Arthur aimed for lighthearted, but at Merlin’s grimace he realized this was the wrong audience.

“Or, you know, just let nature be.”

Merlin gave a small smile. “Okay.”

***

It was a nice day and everything seemed to be going well. Merlin was more relaxed and they had slipped back into their usual banter, although Arthur was a little more careful with his choice of words.

Then they were attacked.

It wasn’t too bad, though. They were regular bandits, only a dozen or so and Arthur made quick work of them. Afterwards, he turned to see Merlin stepping out from behind a tree and rolled his eyes.

“Thanks for your help, _Merlin._ I’m sure the tree was grateful for your protection.”

Merlin’s eyes narrowed.

“Why do you always say that?”

“Huh?”

Merlin crossed his arms and shot him a look so cold Arthur actually took a step back. It was not a look he was accustomed to seeing on his servant’s face.

“Every time we’re in a fight, you make some joke about how I do nothing, how I hide the whole time. Has it ever occurred to you that just because you don’t see anything doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything?”

“Merlin,” Arthur spoke carefully. “I know that you’re very brave, but when it comes to physical strength-”

“I still beat you!” Merlin shouted. “Do you even remember when we first met and I held my own? Did you ever realize that the only reason you won was because I spotted Gaius and felt guilty? Have you noticed that I’ve been by your side against every threat we’ve faced and I somehow survive?”

Arthur felt his heart pumping wildly in his chest as Merlin grew increasingly anxious with every word, hands tangling in his hair and voice cracking. Arthur wanted to reach out to him, put his arms around him and whisper that it was okay. Unfortunately, he was also a little scared of this strange, raging Merlin.

“Merlin, please-”

“Stop! Just stop! I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve put up with this for so many years, but I can’t take living this lie anymore. I hate having to pretend to be some useless idiot all the time when I know I could level the kingdom with a thought. I hate listening to you joke about how stupid and clumsy I am when I know that if I were free I would never trip again. I hate listening to you prattle on about the villainy of things you could never hope to understand while I seem to be the only one to see the beauty, and I hate when you take me hunting!”

Merlin had a wild look in his eyes, pure fury targeted at Arthur, who raised his trembling hands up defensively.

He didn’t understand half of what Merlin said, but he could practically feel the hurt and anger radiating off the servant. His servant.

“Merlin, I don’t know-”

“No, you don’t. You don’t know anything about me or all that I’ve sacrificed for you. I spent years waiting for you to become king, holding on to the hope that when you did you’d finally change things. And yet, everything is the same. I still have to live with same fear and paranoia as before. You’re turning out just like your father and pretty soon I’ll end up hating you just as much as I hated him!”

Arthur faltered, feeling as though he were punched in the stomach. He didn’t think Merlin was capable of hating anyone, especially with such ferocity. And his father? What had Uther done to warrant such a reaction?

“Merlin-”

“No. I can’t be here. I need to go. I can’t- I have to-”

Merlin turned and ran into the forest. Arthur fell to his knees and allowed the tears to fall.

***

Arthur returned to the castle feeling as though he were walking through honey, everything slow and blurry.

He had no idea what to do. He didn’t recognize this strange, scary Merlin. He wanted to joke with him again. He wanted Merlin’s clumsiness. He wanted Merlin’s random bits of wisdom. He wanted Merlin.

Unable to take it anymore, Arthur went to see Gaius.

The physician was sitting in his chambers, working absently, his gaze seemed miles away Arthur placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Gaius? Are you okay?”

“Sorry, sire,” Gaius met his eyes. “Merlin and I had a fight this morning. He just… snapped at me. I mean, he’s been angry at me before, but this… the things he said.”

Arthur frowned, fear welling in his chest. “What did he say?”

Gaius blinked before frowning nervously. “Well, it’s a private, but it was to do with his father. They didn’t have much of a relationship, which is partly my fault, but Merlin… he just brought it up and said some… hurtful things. I’ve always blamed myself, but Merlin wouldn’t…”

Arthur swallowed a lump in his throat. “I’m so sorry, Gaius, but… he was angry at me, too. Still is. Ranted at me in the woods about how alike my father and I are, how much he hates it.”

Gaius looked off sadly for a moment before furrowing his eyebrows. “I thought it was just stress or lack of sleep…”

“Why isn’t he sleeping?”

“Well, I had thought it was just Merlin. He gets bouts of insomnia and we’ve learned to deal with it, but this anger as well… It could be that the sorceress’ spell didn’t miss.”

Arthur’s stomach dropped. “But… she’s dead. I killed her. Shouldn’t that have ended the spell?”

Gaius rolled his eyes. “Much as your father liked to use that excuse, the spell was already cast. Killing her stopped nothing. I should’ve done more tests. I knew and I didn’t think to-”

Arthur held up a hand. “It was me, too. I barely reacted. I just assumed he was okay and didn’t even ask after him.”

Gaius sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before moving towards his shelf.

“Tell me everything you remember about the spell when it was cast.”

Arthur carefully recounted the events as Gaius pored through a giant book.

“Here! I think I found it!”

Arthur moved towards the physician to look at the book, feeling a tingling sense of fear at the realization that it was a book of magic. He tried to shake it off, focusing on helping Merlin.

“What is it?”

Gaius frowned.  “This is awful. It’s meant to make Merlin’s mind focus on every dark thought he’s ever had, slowly filling him with anger and hate until there’s nothing else.”

Arthur swallowed. “The sorceress did say I’d see a different side of him.”

Gaius nodded and went back to reading as something occurred to Arthur.

“Wait, if it makes him focus on every dark thought he has, does that mean that some part of Merlin… meant everything he’s said?”

“It would seem so,” Gaius said sadly.

Arthur felt like he was going to be sick and squeezed his eyes shut.

“It doesn’t mean that he really believes them. We’ve all had passing thoughts we know aren’t true, that we immediately ignore. This spell feeds those thoughts.”

Arthur opened his eyes. “I never knew Merlin could have such thoughts. Although, apparently I don’t know anything about him.”

Gaius’ head snapped up. “Why? What did he tell you?”

“Um,” Arthur frowned slightly. “Just how I don’t know him. How he’s sick of pretending to be an idiot. I didn’t really understand a lot of what he said. He mentioned how much he hated my father, which I don’t understand. I mean, I know my father wasn’t the best, but what did he do to Merlin?”

Gaius lowered his gaze. “Merlin has had to deal with lots of things he shouldn’t have to. It’s best if he were to tell you himself.”

“So you have a way to lift the curse?” Arthur felt a bubble of hope swell in his chest.

“Well, there’s a potion that should be easy enough to brew, but…”

“What?”

“He has to take it willingly.”

The bubble burst.

***

Arthur had plenty of time to worry about how to get Merlin to willingly drink the potion as they tried to find him. Arthur found his footprints from where Merlin left him leading back to the city, and he and Gaius split up to ask around.

Finally, he found a guard who said he’d spotted the servant heading up to the parapets. He told Gaius to catch up before taking off.

There, staring off pensively, was Merlin.

Arthur approached him carefully, not wanting to scare him and Merlin looked up at the sound of quiet steps. His face immediately hardened.

“What do you want now?”

Arthur left the potion in his pocket so he could slowly raise his hands.

“I just want to talk. I know you’ve been angry and you have every right, but this isn’t you.”

Merlin scoffed. “How would you know?”

Arthur swallowed and took another step forward. “You’re right. I don’t know you as well as I should, but I do know that you’re a kind and compassionate person. I know that you hate killing animals and cry easily. I know that all this rage and hate is because you’re cursed.”

Merlin gave a dry laugh. “I’ve been cursed since birth, Arthur.”

“Um, okay, maybe. But I’m talking about that sorceress we met in the forest. The spell hit you. Gaius made a potion that will fix it, though. I just need you to drink it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Arthur. I’ve had this anger long before we met that sorcerer.”

Arthur nodded slowly. “I don’t doubt that. But you’ve always controlled it. Merlin, you’ve always been a good person. You’ve never hurt anyone.”

Merlin laughed again, this time slightly deranged. “Is that what you think? That I’m some bleeding heart? I have done terrible things, Arthur. I’ve killed.”

Arthur froze, shock chilling him. “What? Merlin-”

“Did you ever wonder what happened to Nimue? Why she stopped going after you? How about Morgause? Morgana wouldn’t have sacrificed her if she weren’t already dying. Oh, and let’s not forget Agravaine.”

Arthur felt slightly sick. “But- how-”

“Because I have magic, you prat!”

The words echoed in Arthur’s ears. His hands fell to his sides and everything began to blur except for the sight of Merlin’s face, red and glaring.

“What?”

“Still want to save me? Hey, maybe it’s not the sorceress’ spell. Maybe all that evil magic inside me has finally corrupted my soul!”

Merlin’s eyes shined with unshed tears and Arthur felt a wave of guilt. He also felt anger, betrayal, fear…

The worst part… was that Arthur actually entertained the notion. A small part of him wondered if Merlin was corrupted.

“But… you can’t have magic.” His voice sounded weak to his own ears.

Merlin laughed, tears finally falling. “Arthur, I am magic. It’s woven into my very being. Many believe I’m the most powerful sorcerer ever to walk the earth.”

And then his eyes flashed gold.

Arthur watched in shock as the wind began whipping up, leaves swirling around Merlin before settling down.

 Everything was calm, but Arthur felt the storm go n inside him, swirling conflicting emotions around.

Merlin began walking towards him and Arthur was little scared for his life. Because of Merlin.

“You have no idea what it’s like, being born with magic! When the first thing you learn is that you have to hide who you are! When everyone in the village looks at you in fear, saying that you’re cursed. When you grow up believing you’re a monster, knowing your mother would be better off if you were gone! Actually trying to end it all only for my magic to stop me at the last moment.

“This is how Morgana felt when she became evil and I couldn’t help her because I had to protect my secret at all costs, that same fear ingrained in me. Having the power to see the future, watch her become evil, and no matter what I did it all came to pass. You have no idea what it’s like, so don’t think to assume you know anything about me.”

Arthur felt his own tears fall. Merlin, his Merlin. He had magic.

He was also in so much pain. Living with all this fear and anger with Arthur none the wiser.

Taking a shaky breath, Arthur reached into his pocket and pulled out the potion.

“Please,” he begged, holding out the bottle. “I want to help you.”

Merlin frowned at him. “What?”

“I may not know much about you or magic, but I know that you’re my friend and you’re in pain. Please, help me take some of that pain away.”

Merlin tentatively reached for the bottle. “Are you going to execute me?”

Arthur gave a choked sob at the thought. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

Slowly, Merlin opened the bottle and brought it to his lips before tilting his head back. Arthur watched with a furrowed brow as the anger cleared from Merlin’s expression and realization dawned. Then, he collapsed to the ground and began to cry.

Arthur slowly kneeled next to him as Gaius finally arrived, medicine bag slung over his shoulder.

“Oh, Merlin,” the physician muttered as he knelt next to them and embraced the young sorcerer.

“Gaius, I’m so sorry. I said such horrible things to you and-”

“It’s alright, my boy, it’s alright. Let’s get you back to your room so you can rest. Sire, can you carry him?”

Arthur nodded blankly and took Merlin into his arms, holding him close as he cried himself to sleep.

***

Arthur wasn’t allowed to see Merlin for two days while he returned to full health. Apparently the curse took a lot out of him and he needed plenty of rest. Gaius was also a little overprotective and didn’t want to make another mistake. Arthur couldn’t complain.

Finally, he was allowed in and stood awkwardly outside Merlin’s door while Gaius busied himself with his work. Taking a deep breath, he entered.

Merlin was sitting u in his bed, reading, but looked up when Arthur entered. He gave a small smile and closed the book.

Arthur sat at the foot of his bed, unsure. What did he say? Thankfully, Merlin broke the silence.

“I’m sorry if anything I said hurt you.”

“I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you over the years.”

Silence fell again.

“Are you-”

“Why-”

They both blushed as they spoke at once. Merlin nodded for Arthur to go first.

“Why did you never tell me?”

Merlin laughed. “You’d have chopped my head off.”

Arthur frowned. “You really think that of me?”

Merlin raised an eyebrow and Arthur sighed.

“I might’ve wanted to, for a moment, but you’re still Merlin. I couldn’t hurt you. At least, not knowingly.”

They both looked down awkwardly.

“Thank you, Arthur. I guess I always knew that, subconsciously, but that spell… it really messed me up.”

Arthur gave a small smile and met Merlin’s eyes.

“I’m glad I know now. And I know you’d never do anything to harm me or Camelot. Nimue, Morgause,” he paused, “Agravaine. It was all for the good of the kingdom.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better about it.”

“That’s how I know you’re a good person. The fact that you feel that guilt… I would be worried if you didn’t.”

Merlin smiled at him and before Arthur could over think it he found himself leaning forward and brushing their lips together.

It only lasted a couple seconds before Merlin turned his head away. Arthur pulled back, frowning, and felt fear and guilt creep up.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“No,” Merlin said quickly. “It’s fine, it’s just… I am sorry if anything I said hurt you, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t mean a lot of it. I’ve held so much anger and pain over this secret… it’s a bit soon. I’m not saying never. Just… not right now.”

Arthur nodded. “I understand. Maybe we should just get to know each other a bit. No more secrets.”

Merlin smiled and Arthur held out a hand.

“Hi, I’m Arthur, king of Camelot and occasional prat.”

Merlin took his hand.

 “Hi, Arthur, I’m Merlin. Warlock, Dragonlord, and occasional idiot.”

Arthur smiled. "Pleasure to meet you."


End file.
